xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
