I accidentally burped into my bong.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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