if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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