3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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