Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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