I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
is that a dick in a sweater?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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