im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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