Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
