Swine flu. Run for my life!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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