Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
