You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
