I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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