I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
