I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
