Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
