I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
