2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
