I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
