The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
