You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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