you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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