I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
