paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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