You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can text with my tongue
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You pole danced in your parka.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
