Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
