This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
