So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
