He had one of those small greek statue penises
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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