So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
