I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i came on her dog
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
