i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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