i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
