Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
