I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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