You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
