She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
