From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
