Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I believe in your delicious
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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