A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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