It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
