Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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