I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
