I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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