I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Welp...herpes.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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