I'm really into asian looking animals
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
