4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
