It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
