How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
