is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
