her vagine was all disorganized.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
