I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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