Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
