Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
